The Cathal O’Riain emails : GLADYS FAUSTINO


The theme at this month’s brownbread mixtape show was “The Internet” and so, in preparation for the night, Kalle went through the brownbread mixtape email spam folder and embarked upon some electronic correspondence with a number of email scammers (under his cleverly encrypted celtic code name Cathal O’Riain!). The result was beyond his wildest dreams. Pure comedy gold. Those of you who attended the show heard him read extracts from two or three of these hysterically funny email exchanges. So here, as promised, is the first of those email exchanges (more to follow in the coming days). This is the wonderful back-and-forth with the inimitable Gladys Faustino in full – not a single word of it has been altered. It is a story filled with assassination attempts, evil stepmothers, Dublin mechanics, quite a bit of repetition and it ends rather abruptly. No idea why. We hope that you enjoy it! Pass on the link…

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More Cathal O’Riain emails:

Cathal O’Riain’s email exchange with Carlos Knight
– Doing “the business” with a Knight in shining armour-

Cathal O’Riain’s email exchange with Thomas Cox
– an epic chat about couriers, photos of cash, Bob Dylan and friendship –

Cathal O’Riain’s email exchange with Patrick Joseph
-a tale of poems in exchange for a credit card-
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SUBJECT LINE: Hello From Gladys
Gladys Faustino <gladysf*****@la**.hu>
Fri, Oct 22, 2010 at 3:23 AM

Hello
Please, I apologize for sending you this sensitive information via e-mail instead of a Certified mail/Post-mail. This is due to the urgency of the information .

I am writing this letter in confidence believing that if it is the wish of God for you to help me, God almighty will bless and reward you abundantly and you would never regret it
My name is Gladys Faustino Fudut a 24 years old female from the Republic of Guinea Bissau, the daughter of Late Mr Faustino Fudut Imbali who was Prime Minister of our country from 21 March 2001 to 9 December 2001 and founder of the Manifest Party of the People (PMP) and ran as its presidential candidate in the 19 June 2005 Presidential election, winning 0.52% of the vote. On Friday 5 June 2009, My late father was killed. What led to the cold blood killing is still unclear but I know that my father life was the target. You can read more about my father in the bbc link below.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/8084525.stm

I am constrained to contact you because of the maltreatment which I am receiving from my stepmother. She planned to take away all my late father’s treasury and properties from me. Meanwhile I wanted to travel to Europe, but she hide away my international passport and other valuable documents. Luckily she did not discover where I kept my father’s File which contained important documents. Now I am presently staying in the Mission in Burkina Faso. I am seeking for long term relationship and investment assistance. My father of blessed memory deposited the sum of US$ 4.2 Million in one bank in Burkina Faso with my name as the next of kin.
My status according to the local law does not authorize me clear the deposit. However, a trustee who will stand on my behalf will. Therefore, I decide to seek for your help in transferring the money into your bank account while I will relocate to your country and settle down with you. It is my intention to compensate you with 20% of the total money for your assistance and the balance shall be my investment in any profitable venture which you will recommend to me as have no any idea about foreign investment.

Thanking you a lot in anticipation of your quick response. I will give you details in my next mail after receiving your acceptance mail to help me.

Yours sincerely,
Gladys Faustino.

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The Brownbread Mixtape Murphy <thebrownbreadmixtape (at) gmail.com>
Wed, Nov 17, 2010 at 12:05 AM

I accept. Lets do this shit. let me know how I can help

Cathal O’Riain

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Gladys Faustino
Wed, Nov 17, 2010 at 8:36 AM

Hello Cathal O’Riain,

Thanks a lot for your quick response.I need your help as my trustee for transferring the money to your bank account for investment project. As I told you in my earlier mail that presently, I am staying in the mission in Burkina Faso and I haven’t a personal telephone to be reached but if you wish to speak with me on phone,you can reach me through the office telephone number of the Maison de Dieu co-ordinator. His name is Reverend Father Daniel Leo and his office telephone number is 78665273. If you call tell him that you want to speak with Gladys Faustino

I need you to represent me and transfer the money into your bank account. I wanted to inform my stepmother about this deposit but am afraid that she will not release the money to me because after the death of my parent she and my uncle arrange secretly and sold my father’s estate in Monaco. They shared the money among themselves and ever then they have been maltreating me and even made arrangement to assassinate me because of the demand for my share of the money from the sales of the hotel. I am lonely here in pains, hunger and Suffering sustaining myself by God grace as I have no cash at hand presently. All my hope depends on the deposite with the bank in which my future lies.

Please send me your full contact information which include: Name -Contact address -Telephone numbers to be reached – Your age  – Your Occupation  – Marital Status  – Your Nationality – Your photos to see you:

As soon as I receive the above details, I will notify the bank about you as my trustee/representative. After you receive the money in your bank account you will send some amount to me to process my traveling documents which I will use to come and settle in your country and further my academic studies.

Thanks a lot in anticipation of your quick reply.
Yours truly,
Gladys Faustino.

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The Brownbread Mixtape Murphy
Wed, Nov 17, 2010 at 9:33 AM

Ok cool, no problem I would be happy to sort this out for you.

But before I give you all of my details I need to know if I can trust you.

Can you answer some of my questions first

1. You said your father had an estate in Monaco. Who is your father, is he a Count or powerful Lord?

2. Tell me a little bit about Burkina Faso, is it a cool place? It sounds dangerous with assassins and evil stepmothers.

3. Do you know how much money we are talking about here? My car is banjaxed at the moment so I was hoping it would be enough to get Gerry , my mechanic in Kimmage, to fix it. Will it be more than 423 EURO?

4. Can you tell me what you would like to study when you come to settle in my country? I should warn you, our country is full of gangsters and our financial situation is very shit.

5. What is your favourite music?

I look forward to your responses and to conducting this business with you

Cathal

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Gladys Faustino
Sat, Nov 20, 2010 at 8:34 AM

Dear Cathal,

I have received your mail.
Ok cool, no problem I would be happy to sort this out for you.
Thanks for your acceptance to happily help me
But before I give you all of my details I need to know if I can trust you.
Yes you should trust me as i fully trust in you.
Can you answer some of my questions first
Yes I will answer all your questions
1. You said your father had an estate in Monaco. Who is your father, is he a Count or powerful Lord?
Ans: Yes my father had an estate in Fontvieille Marina, Monaco which my wicked stepmother sold to a french man. My father name is Late Mr Faustino Fudut Imbali who was a Guinea-Bissau great politician and was Prime Minister of our country from 21 March 2001 to 9 December 2001 and also the founder of the Manifest Party of the People (PMP) and ran as its presidential candidate in the 19 June 2005 Presidential election.
2. Tell me a little bit about Burkina Faso, is it a cool place? It sounds dangerous with assassins and evil stepmothers.
Ans: Burkina Faso is one of the country in West African Coast region. Yes is a cool and peaceful place where laws are been maintained. No my evil stepmother up till date do not know my where about.
3. Do you know how much money we are talking about here? My car is banjaxed at the moment so I was hoping it would be enough to get Gerry, my mechanic in Kimmage, to fix it. Will it be more than 423 EURO?
Ans: Yes I know the deposited the sum in the bank is US$ 4.2 Million that is what will be transfered to your bank account. I map out 10% to cover the expenses while 25% is your commision for helping me bringing it to 35% which you will deduct as soon as you receive the money in your bank account.
4. Can you tell me what you would like to study when you come to settle in my country? I should warn you, our country is full of gangsters and our financial situation is very shit.
Ans: I will continue with my studies in business management. You will be there to guild me and direct me.
5. What is your favourite music?
Ans: Blues, cool music and gospel

I look forward to your responses and to conducting this business with you
Those are my response and I will be waiting for you to send me your your full contact information and Your photos to see you:

So that I will give you the contact of the bank. You will contact the bank as my trustee and ask them the procedures of transferring the money to your bank account. God bless you and I hope to hear from you soon.

Yours truly,,
Gladys.

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The Brownbread Mixtape Murphy
Mon, Nov 22, 2010 at 10:12 AM

Gladys!

You are so cool. Thanks for answering all of my questions. I feel like I can trust you with anything now.

So, your father was Prime Minister! BOOM! That’s amazing. Your evil stepmother sounds like a complete bitch. I cant believe your dad ever married her.

Do you know who Bertie Ahern is? I bet your dad might have met him in his global political dealings. Check your house for brown envelopes marked with a Drumcondra postal stamp. They will be from Bertie. They are his trademark.

Sorry, I got very emotional there because my family lost so much during the troubled economic times here too. We have been through a difficult series of decades with a group of incompetent evil cute hoors called Fianna Fail (much more evil than your stepmother!) who stole from the poor and rezoned land for the rich and their friends in the banks and all of the property developers. The people of my country are basically taking it up the gikker because of all of the governments cheating, lying and mismanaging. I have no money left now and this email from you was like a message from heaven saying there are legitimiate random electronic mail based ways to make millions for doing nothing. I feel guilty because I am human but I also feel powerful like a Fianna Fail minister.

Here are my details that you requested: Your full name: Cathal O Riain ; Contact address: P.O. Box 1916, GPO, O’Connell Street, Dublin 2 ; age: 36 ; Occupation: Socialite ; Marital Status: Married (Three times!) ; Nationality Irish (Come on Ireland!) ; Your photos to see you: I have attached a photo of me and some friends at a party. I am wearing the green jumper. I dont have any good photos on this computer. I will send you a better one next time.

I look forward to hearing from you and getting the money, as well as meeting you and having more conversations. When you study business studies here, will you help me to invest all of this money?

Much love
Cathal

P.S. I like cool music too!

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Gladys Faustino
Tue, Nov 23, 2010 at 8:32 AM

Dear Cathal O Riain,
I am very happy to receive your information data and your photo which you sent to me.
The reason why I asked you to be my trustee is because on my arrival to Burkina Faso, I went to clear the money from the bank but the Director operations, told me that as a refugee, my status is not authorized by the local law to clear the money or make transfer of the money to an account. I have suffered a lot in the hands of my stepmother just because of the selfish tradition of ours which they have stood firmly and lay claim on my father estate. This money means so much for me because is the only inheritance from my Mother. I  want peace, unity and harmony to settle in life and  have rest of mind so that I will forget and stop thinking so much about my late dearly and lovely parents.

Now, I want you to contact the bank as my trustee and ask them to give you the procedures of transferring the money into your account for investment.  Also, after the money have been transferred to your account, I will like to relocate to your country where I intend to spend all the rest of my life.

The account number and contact information of the bank are given below: Reseau des Caisses Populaires du Burkina (RCPB) Avenue du Dr. Kwamé N’Krumah 5382 Ouagadougou 01Burkina Faso A/c no: 334685458  Routing no: 5100113  Amount: 4.2 Million USD Depositor:  Mr. Faustino Fudut Imbali Next of kin: Gladys Faustino Fudut The contact person is Mr. Allison Dabité. He is the Director, Operations and Foreign Remittance department of the Bank. He can be reach at the Telephone number: 50 47 60 29 / 76 16 42 58. Email is: a.dabite@***bf.com

Please do maintain absolute secret and confidential on this transaction as I don’t want my stepmother to know my present location.
Thanks and hope to hear from you soon.
Yours truly,
Gladys Faustino

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The Brownbread Mixtape Murphy
Tue, Nov 23, 2010 at 10:53 AM

Gladys,

Thanks for your response. I am excited to get all of this cash.

I will contact the bank as soon as possible, but ironically my phone has run out of credit and I have no yoyos to top it up. I will try to borrow some money or a phone off my mate Badger, but he is on the dole, so it might be hard to get a hold of him on account of all the cider he drinks.

I will get in touch as soon as I can. Dont worry, everything will be grand.
Cathal

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Gladys Faustino
Wed, Nov 24, 2010 at 7:48 AM

Dear Cathal,
I have received your mail.

You can contact the bank through mail. The contact person is Mr. Allison Dabité. He is the Director, Operations and Foreign Remittance department of the Bank. He can be reach at a.dabite@***bf.com
Please do maintain absolute secret and confidential on this transaction as I don’t want my stepmother to know my present location.

Thanks and hope to hear from you soon.
Yours truly,

Gladys Faustino.

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The Brownbread Mixtape Murphy
Wed, Nov 24, 2010 at 9:30 AM

To: a.dabite@****bf.com
Cc: gladysfaustino <gladysfaus***o@****.hu>

Hello Allison Dabite

Gladys Faustino said I should contact you about sorting all this money she wants to launder through me. Whats the next step here dude?

Dont worry I am very discreet and totally cool about this.

Talk to me chief

Cathal

P.S. Your name is a girl’s name in Ireland.

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the brownbread mixtape is a free monthly
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7 Comments

Filed under Oddity

7 responses to “The Cathal O’Riain emails : GLADYS FAUSTINO

  1. Aidan Kenny

    Hey dude, you should definitely send an email thanking Gladys for the 4.2 million dollors which you have received and ask when she is coming over to help you invest the money 😀 A picture of “you” standing beside your new yacht might be appropriate.

  2. Late Mr Faustino Fudut Imbali

    That sure shut her up.

  3. Pingback: The Cathal O’Riain emails : CARLOS KNIGHT | the brown bread mixtape

  4. Pingback: The Cathal O’Riain emails: THOMAS COX | the brown bread mixtape

  5. Pingback: The Cathal O’Riain emails: PATRICK JOSEPH | the brown bread mixtape

  6. Good lord. Genius. Just genius!

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