The Cathal O’Riain emails: PATRICK JOSEPH

Our resident MC Kalle (working deep undercover as Cathal O’Riain) recently embarked upon some electronic correspondence with a number of email scammers. The result was pure comedy gold. Here is the latest of those email exchanges with Patrick Joseph, a man who is extremely busy with his investments. Please note: Not a word of these emails has been altered. Enjoy!

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More Cathal O’Riain emails:

Cathal O’Riain’s email exchange with Thomas Cox
– an epic chat about couriers, photos of cash, Bob Dylan and friendship-

Cathal O’Riain’s email exchange with Gladys Faustino
– a tale of evil stepmothers, Kimmage mechanics and true love –

Cathal O’Riain’s email exchange with Carlos Knight
– Doing “the business” with a Knight in shining armour-

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Mr.Patrick Joseph – Fri, Nov 5, 2010 at 1:01 AM


Greetings From Mr.Patrick Joseph,

Dear Sir/Madam,

Although you might be apprehensive about my email as we have never met before. I am Mr.Patrick Joseph,a Banker, and Head of Operations with (AFRICAN DEVELOPMENT BANK BURKINA FASO)in West Africa,there is the sum of $13.500,000.00 currently in my branch, there were no beneficiary stated concerning these funds which means no one would ever come to claim it.That is why I ask that we work together, I will be pleased to work with you as trusted person and see that the fund is transferred out of my Bank into another Bank Account,Once the funds have been transferred to your nominated Bank account we shall then share it in the ratio of 60% for me, 40% for you.

If you agree to my business proposal.further details of the transfer will be forwarded to you as soon as i receive your return mail, sending the below information

1. Full name
2: Your private telephone and Fax numbers.
3. Occupations and Nationality.
4. Date Of Birth
5. Present Location.

Hoping to hear from you as soon as possible.
Regards.
Mr.Patrick Joseph


The Brownbread Mixtape Murphy – Wed, Nov 17, 2010 at 12:02 AM


Hi Patrick Joseph

Did you realise that your last name is also a first name? Very coolAnyway I am interested in working with you. It sounds very profitable.Your name Patrick (your first name) is an Irish name. Are you Irish? I am IrishThe details you require are as follows:
1. Cathal O’Riain
2. I do not have a fax. Sorry man
3. My work is hard to describe. I am a celebrity in Ireland. I do Irish language films for a mature audience. I can assure they are very tasteful and I make a good living. My nationality , as you know from earlier in this email is Irish. Come on Ireland!

4. Date of Birth 20 January 1984

5. Present Location is my gaff in Ireland. What is your present location? Do you have a gaff of your own or are you crashing with mates?

Looking forward to doing business with you!

Cathal O’Riain


Mr.Patrick Joseph – Tue, Dec 7, 2010 at 4:31 AM


Dear Friend,

I have been waiting for you since to alert and inform me that you have
received your Confirmable MASTER CARD, but I did not hear from you
since that time. Thus i had to deposit the CARD with CHRONOPOST
COURIER COMPANY BURKINA FASO, before I traveled out of the country for
a 5 Months Investment Project and I will not come back till end of
April 2011.Due to your inability to help and receive the money I personally chose
your name to have, I contacted an old friend of Mine from Bulgaria and
I am happy to tell you that I succeeded in getting the fund
transferred with the help of this partner from Bulgaria. Right now, I
am in Bulgaria for investment on surgical equipment with my own Share
of the money. Meanwhile, I did not forget your past efforts to assist
though it fails us and as a result, I have small tokens for you as a
remembrance for your past effort and I wrote you someday ago but there
was no reply from you.Because of your unresponsive and consequences upon the approaches of
my flight Schedule with the new partner, I decided to deposit the Card
with chronopost delivering company. Hoping that you will forward your
address to them and receive the Card before now, base on my laid
agreements with the management. but i was so surprise today in regards
to the message i receive from Chronopost which clearly states that you
have not forwarded your delivering address were they will ship the
card until now.What you have to do now is to contact the CHRONOPOST COURIER COMPANY
BURKINA FASO as soon as possible to know when they will deliver your
package to you because of the expiring date. from the bottom of my
heart, i stored $600, 000, Six Hundred Thousand United State DollarsForward your information to them, I have paid for the delivering Charges.
The only money you will send to the Courier Company to deliver your
MASTER CARD direct to your postal Address in your country is (£225.00
EURO) Two Hundred &TWENTY Five EURO only being Security Keeping Fees
of the Courier Company so far.I would have paid keeping fee too but they said no because they don’t
know when you will contact them and in case of demurrages.

You have to contact the CHRONOPOST COURIER COMPANY BURKINA FASO   now
for the delivery of your MASTER CARD with this information bellow;
Contact Person: Mr. Goodluck Ibe
Email Address.. chronopostcourierc@post.com
website      :  www.chronotrace.com

Finally, make sure that you reconfirm your Postal address and Direct
telephone number to them again to avoid any mistake on the Delivery
and ask them to give you the tracking number to enable you track your
package over there and know when it will get to your address.

Let me repeat again, try to contact them as soon as you receive this
mail to avoid any further delay and remember to pay them their
Security Keeping fee of £225.00 EURO for their immediate action. You
should also let me know through email as soon as you receive your Card
so that we can share the joy after all.

Yours Faithfully,
Mr. Patrick Joseph.


The Brownbread Mixtape Murphy – Tue, Dec 7, 2010 at 9:25 AM


This all seems above board. The card looks flawless and real. I LOVE it when cool stuff like this happens to me. Can you tell me what the credit limit is on the card? I need to get a few prezzies for Christmas and was hoping I could stick em on the card. Would I be able to buy a load of stuff with it?cheers Paddy JCathal

Mr.Patrick Josepm – Wed, Dec 8, 2010 at 5:35 AM


You have to contact the CHRONOPOST COURIER COMPANY BURKINA FASO   now
for the delivery of your MASTER CARD with this information bellow;
Contact Person: Mr. Goodluck Ibe
Email Address.. chronopostcourierc@post.com
website      :  www.chronotrace.com

The Brownbread Mixtape Murphy – Wed, Dec 8, 2010 at 10:20 AM


I thought your name was cool, but step aside dude. The contact person’s name is “Goodluck Ibe” , that is ridonkulous! What a cool name and so apt.I will contact him, but first tell me why you are giving this to me. Is it a christmas gift?

Cathal


Mr.Patrick Josepm – Thu, Dec 9, 2010 at 3:52 AM


Dear partner how are you?I hope you are very fine with your entire family. If so glory is to
almighty God. I’m happy to inform you about my success in getting
those funds transferred under the cooperation of a new partner.Answer to your question not christmas gift ok,but I kept for your
conversation for all the past efforts and attempts to assist me in
this matter. I appreciated your efforts at that time I appreciated it
very much,i didn’t forget your past efforts and attempts to assist me
in transferring those funds i give it you.Finally, remember that I had forwarded instruction to the CHRONOPOST
COURIER COMPANY on your behalf to deliver that MASTER CARD to you, so
feel free to get in touch with her private email the will send the
MASTER CARD for you without any delay.Best Regards,
Mr.Patrick joseph

Mr.Patrick Joseph – Wed, Dec 15, 2010 at 4:35 AM


My dear friend,

I am writing again to inform you that I am no longer happy with your
inability to comply with the courier company and receive the Credit
Card I mapped out for you.Like I said before, I deposited this card with the company few weeks
ago and ask them to convey it to you with the address you provided.
Then, I was waiting for you to inform me that you have received the
card for quite long but to my greatest surprise; I did not hear from
neither you nor the CHRONOPOST courier company until last week when I
access my email here in Bulgaria and I found a message from the
courier company which clearly states that they were unable to locate
your address.As a result of that, I contacted you again and informed you to rewrite
the courier company and furnish them with your delivering address so
that they can locate your address and come over to deliver it.two things is required from you: I, you have to reconfirm you direct
delivering contact address, 2. You have to send the remaining
demurrage fee of £1225.00 all to chronopost as I instructed earlier.I have paid for the delivering fee and it was my intention to pay the
keeping fee too but they refused because they don’t know when you will
be contacting them for the collection and in the case of demurrage. I
could not visit the company again before taken off due to the time
factor and flight scheduled. And where I am presently, it is not
possible for me to send any money, yesterday, I tried to send the
money to Chronopost in Burkina Faso so that they can pay their
security and move on to deliver the card to you but it was quite
embarrassing to notice that Western Union Money Transfer in Bulgaria
does not send money out; they only receive payment.It is not really possible for me to send money from here and I don’t
intend to transfer the fee through my joint account with my partner
here because he was not aware that I mapped out that card for you out
of the deal I had with him, he will not be happy with me if he finds
out that I made this great recompense to you out of the money we own
together without his consent. So my dear, if you continue to delay,
the demurrages will start counting and also concerning about the
validation of the card. You have to make everything possible to raise
the demurrage fee of  £225.00 and send to the courier company at my
country Burkina Faso so that they can do the needful and deliver the
card to youAsk the company to provide you with the Tracking number to enable you
determine its arrival into your country. You must not waste time
because the card has until end of Month of DECEMBER to seize from been
valid. You have to receive and cash the credit before the end of
December ok.My dear I have done my part and I was hoping that you must have
receive the Card before now. I am very busy here with my investment, I
don’t have time to access my email always so I want to hear that you
have receive the card soonest so that we can share the joy after all.

Thanks once again
Mr. Patrick Joseph


The Brownbread Mixtape Murphy – Wed, Dec 15, 2010 at 9:31 AM


PJ

I am so sorry that you are not happy with me! I dont think I can afford the fee. Can we make some other kind of arrangement? If you know what I mean

cheers
Cathal


Mr.Patrick Joseph – Thu, Dec 16, 2010 at 7:15 AM


I do not know what you mean the kind of arrangement? so about the fee
£2,25.00 try and send it to courier company at my country Burkina Faso
so that they can do the needful and deliver the card to you.I am very busy here with my investment.

The Brownbread Mixtape Murphy <thebrownbreadmixtape@gmail.com>

Thu, Dec 16, 2010 at 2:38 PM

Paddy Joe,

I mean perhaps I could send you something else instead of money, like I could ride you in lieu of cashI dont have any money, but I also write poems. Perhaps I could send you 2250 quids worth of poems? They are good.I hope to hear from you soon

I am very busy here with my poverty.

Cathal

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Patrick Joseph sadly never responded. Obviously he is so busy with his investments he has forgotten to enjoy the finer things in life like lovemaking or poetry. Such a shame. Join us soon again for another Cathal O’Riain email. One man’s crusade to put a human face on the faceless spam in your inbox.

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the brownbread mixtape is a free monthly
comedy, poetry & music show
in the Stag’s Head pub in Dublin, Ireland.

Each  show has a theme.
Each act does a performance based on the theme.
We all have loads of fun.
Simple as that.

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5 Comments

Filed under Oddity

5 responses to “The Cathal O’Riain emails: PATRICK JOSEPH

  1. Pingback: The Cathal O’Riain emails: THOMAS COX | the brown bread mixtape

  2. Pingback: The Cathal O’Riain emails : GLADYS FAUSTINO | the brown bread mixtape

  3. Pingback: The Cathal O’Riain emails : CARLOS KNIGHT | the brown bread mixtape

  4. skub

    so what.. did you get the card in the end? Talk about a cliff hanger, you could have been minted pal.

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